premature ejaculation

Premature Ejaculation – Whose Problem Is It?

Society is so quick to judge men on the basis of their ability to perfectly time their ejaculation. Is this really just a nonsense problem invented by drug companies? Or is it just another convenient way to scapegoat men for women’s sexual difficulties?

It seems that men who ejaculate sooner than their partner would like, get stigmatized as suffering from premature ejaculation. It’s  as if the man has some sort of disease or there’s something wrong with him.

But wait, if he takes longer than his partner would like then he is considered to be suffering from delayed ejaculation (sometimes also referred to as retarded ejaculation).

Therefore, it often seems that whether a man is considered to have a premature ejaculation problem or not is arbitrarily determined by their partner’s ability to reach orgasm or not.

Most men are probably unaware that a significant proportion of women never experience orgasm, not even by themselves. It’s estimated that this is true of approximately 12% of women. So the poor guy could practice all he likes, pump himself up with pills, nasal sprays or whatever the drug companies are pushing this month, go at it all night and it won’t make a lick of difference – except to frustrate himself and his partner.

OK, so 12% of women are simply unable to experience orgasm. Of the remaining 88%, it’s estimated that between half to three quarters (say, two thirds) are unable to orgasm by intercourse alone (e.g. they need additional clitoral stimulation). This means that approximately 70% or more of all women are unable to experience orgasm through intercourse alone, or cannot orgasm at all.  [If you're wondering about the source of these statistics, they're in countless places on the internet, but Dr. Phil lists some of these with specific references, and you can also read an article at the BBC]

So, how did this become a male problem? Does society expect men to take responsibility for women’s sex lives too?

It seems rather strange that nature would have intended for intercourse to last for any extended period of time. It makes no sense. It seems much more likely that nature would have intended for the man to ejaculate rather quickly to ensure that the woman was inseminated before running off.

It should be said that there are some men who truly are frustrated with a rapid ejaculation problem such as ejaculating within seconds of penetration or even prior to penetration.

The intent of this article is simply to put in perspective that a man who ejaculates within a minute or two is normal. There is nothing wrong with him! It may very well be that he and his partner would like it to last longer and that’s fine – go learn some exercises, take a Tantra course, or think of England – whatever it takes.

Just don’t stigmatize the man with a fictitious ailment simply for performing as nature intended.

Update
Here’s another perspective on giving/receiving orgasms:

{ 10 comments }

JA November 23, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Here’s my thoughts on it, Sex for me is usually around 10-15 minutes (not including any warm up or anything else) and we both enjoy ourselves. As stated earlier most men would want to last longer, because I assure you, sex feels great, if a guy could last for 6 hours he would. Now the flip side of the coin is when someone lasts “too long” as sensation becomes dulled and it’s just not enjoyable for either of you any more. i don’t care for oral sex (giving or receiving) but you’d be surprised what a good shoulder rub can do. Everyone has different paces and speeds and you shouldn’t explicitly focus on how long sex is “suppose” to last. Orgasms are largely a state of mind as well, so if you can’t get there maybe you need to focus on the task and get all those other thoughts off your mind. If that’s the case you also have to accept that it was your own fault for not getting there and blaming your partner isn’t going to help you out any.

joe May 29, 2013 at 1:14 am

There are 3 major problems with quick ejaculation, and they’re not biological. One is the drug companies who want your money.
Two, men want to believe that sex needs a penis, but sex for a woman means that clitoris stimulation is more important. With a good warm up, 30 seconds of pumping is enough and yes, it is the resposibility of both partners to make it enjoyable for both. Womans orgasms take longer, but nature has provided a solution: clitoral stimulation. Use it and man and woman are quite compatible. and remember, the female orgasm has a biological function. dont make a problem out of it but do help your female partner to an orgasm too.
Three. The fiction of porn, where women like having a penis inside them all the time (ouch) and the penis is always in use and the focal point. No one can really enjoy that! Its to look at, not to copy.

Leigh April 20, 2013 at 1:11 am

Premature ejaculation can be a MAJOR problem for the woman involved! Trust me! At least the man has an orgasm. She (most likely) does not. I understand that men afflicted by this issue feel inadequate in bed, but it doesn’t make her feel good about herself either. I hate when a man will climax within 30 seconds of being inside of me and then say “Oh I couldn’t help it, baby! You’re just too beautiful!” Don’t try to suck up to me because you came “too soon”. I bet that if a man with PE would give his woman an orgasm BEFORE or AFTER sex ( toys, oral, etc) than PE wouldn’t be so horrible. There is nothing worse than a two pump chump that doesn’t care enough to give her satisfaction via oral or manual.

John (admin) April 20, 2013 at 5:03 pm

So… have you’ve communicated your needs to him, or are you just stewing quietly? It sounds like you’re just prepared to lie there and let whatever happens – happen. Starfish? Considering your degree of compassion toward your “chump” it sounds like you’re getting as much back as you deserve. I’ve also just added a video to the article that you may find interesting (particularly at 2:18).

jack August 3, 2013 at 6:01 pm

see that the issue that effects sufferers so badly… For that 30 seconds you feel a bit shit, for that entire week he is feeling awful he is bombarded by sex in the media, films, tv, magazines emotionally he feels like dirt because all society is telling him is that you need to be good at sex and if you’re not good at sex you’re not a man.
research doesn’t help either, all that will come up is people like you calling him a “chump” or other guys asking advice to no avail. If you dump the guy he will know one way or another that it was due to his sexual failures. You may find another guy to sleep with within a week. it could take him 20 years of a damaged embarrassed sex life for him to find a partner that he feels won’t ridicule him for his short comings. Next time you have a “two pump chump” why don’t you talk to him ask him if he feels okay make him feel like it’s not the end of the world. Because basically you’re making the whole situation worse by being a starfish and taking it then being annoyed at him for something he ultimately cannot control.

Mikey March 1, 2013 at 7:00 am

My wife never orgasms she just doesn’t. After 45 mins with a toy I just finally said my arms are tired. And I’m ok with this and so is she, were not pornstars just normal people.
I think women are just too obsessed with sex and won’t admit it and instead of working with their lovers it’s just easier to blame men. Just look at thier magazines it’s either sex or clothes.

Shane April 26, 2013 at 2:32 pm

hahaha! nice observation

UK,Craig July 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I just don’t like it how men who ejaculate before their lover are called “selfish” like it’s intentional – i think every man wishes he could last longer!

Sha November 24, 2010 at 1:45 pm

thanx bro. appreciate your time and efforts.
thanx for for helping out oppressed men forced to live in a delusional and misandric world ! !!

GOD BLESS

RT October 1, 2010 at 4:24 am

You are right, I think in general soceity has issues with normal bodily functions.
And yes I believe treating it like it is a problem actually probably makes it worse for the male in the long run, which benefits no one. Sex can be a beautiful and mutually satisfying, depending on how each partner approaches it.
Ah there’s the same story about women having their periods, terms like “biological problem” and “impure” are often used.

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