men's reproductive rights

“If you’re not prepared to be a father then don’t have sex!”

That’s a typical admonishment from feminists when men seek reproductive rights.

Isn’t it strange that we never hear “If you’re not prepared to be a mother then don’t have sex!”.  It would solve the abortion debate overnight.

Instead, we hear that it’s a woman’s right to choose what happens to her body – even if it means the termination of an unborn child.

So, really, why don’t we ever hear “If you’re not prepared to be a mother then don’t have sex!”?

Why is it that feminists push this responsibility so readily onto men while completely divesting women of any responsibility here? Is it that feminists think that women are incapable of taking on serious responsibilities such as these?

The fact that it’s only men who are chastised to ‘be responsible’ for a resulting pregnancy is a clear indication.

In fact, it’s incredible that, in one moment, an unborn child can be considered a miraculous and precious gift of life and in the next moment just as easily reclassified as a disposable piece of garbage in the form of an aborted foetus. How can that be?

So, does feminism truly stand for equal responsibilities? If men are expected to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions …then what about the women?

{ 31 comments }

charles June 4, 2013 at 11:10 am

Here’s what I’m dealing with right now….my ex girlfriend is pregnant with a child that may or may not be mine. The only reason I say that is cause of the date of conception the doctor gave us. That never made me walk away from the relationship. Long story short we got into a argument that SHE started and she blew up and left and threatened to file child support once the baby is born. So I’ve decided to file a paternity law suit and if it’s mine file for full custody due to the fact that she hasn’t had a steady job or shelter for 2 years now…it’s crazy the rights I found out women have

Miss Anne Thrope May 4, 2013 at 12:30 am

Ugh. While I absolutely don’t believe anyone has the right to force me to incubate a human being in my body (i.e. I am definitely pro-choice), I ALSO don’t believe anybody has the right to force a man to pay child support or any other such nonsense if he did not AGREE to be a father. Freedom goes both ways. Or it should.

Dave June 11, 2013 at 12:55 am

If you don’t want to be forced to carry a child don’t get pregnant. The only way someone could force you is if you were raped, otherwise it’s a matter of taking care of your responsibilities. Just like no one has the right to rape you and force you to carry their child, you don’t have the right to murder a child that YOU brought into the world by having consensual sex.

Angel April 2, 2013 at 11:33 am

I have never been a feminist or any other sort of a group discussion. Though i have read a lot of good points from all sides.
i would just like to say that when it comes to regular contraceptive repercussions, men and women are both to blame. As a side note, rape is wrong for anyone to endure. Regardless of sex or race all rape or genticly comprimisedpeople should think of whats best for the baby. Some times though its wrong an abortion is nessicary. my 12year old cuzin was raped and got pregnant and her mom didnt educate her properly so she had the baby and he was taken by the state two years later. Foster care or adopting isnt always what you thi tttnk it is. Her son at fifteen drank antifreeze and killed himself because of what happened to him.
i almost forgot to state that i am a women who belives fathers deserve rights for unborn children aswell. I thik both parents need to make the choices together.
On this last statment i have been through alot in my short 22 years of life. I know that i dont know everything , i just hope that the world becomes a better place soon or we all might as well have abortions. There will be nothing left for anyone in the future.

Bijan March 21, 2013 at 8:49 pm

It comes out as nothing but redecilus. Women have all the rights to the pregnancy and baby and no responsibility for getting pregnant. I as a man during my 46 years of life have never listen to any woman who has suggested or said finish inside ,its OK unless I made sure I wanted a baby twice in my life. If I had listen to women I had sex with I would have two dozen kids now. Woman hate condom and discomforts and effects of other birth controls they also miss taking pills. Then they miss inform guys as its OK and that’s ™ of the time the case. Also guys are often blamed for not pulling out on time while its often misunderstood that ejaculation is not the only way of impregnation but during the sex drops of sperm exits the penis with out men or women even notice or man have control over it. Women are at least two to one responsible for their pregnancy each and every time.

Jen Etic February 16, 2013 at 2:15 pm

“Isn’t it strange that we never hear “If you’re not prepared to be a mother then don’t have sex!”. It would solve the abortion debate overnight.”

Amen!

Luke February 7, 2013 at 8:51 pm

Here’s the other side of the argument. What if the father wants a baby? What if she wants it aborted?

On the same note, what if mom is doing something like drugs and alcohol, and he disapproves? In this day n age, it seems that a man has no right to say what’s right or wrong for his child. With that kind of attitude, do you really expect a man to be motivated to stay with the family he’s created??

Dave July 17, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Yes I agree completely. If a woman chooses to carry a fetus to term then the man should also have the right to choose not to be the father or have any responsibility for the child. This includes child support.
Not only that but the child has a right to have a paternity test. These must be made complusary.

Wayne August 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

What ever they may be, I want the same reproductive rights as women do. If I am committed to the consequences, and my consent presumed for whatever happens, regardless of any explicit or implicit claims of birth control or fertility, or marital status, then I hold women to the same standard.

Or, if a woman can either carry to term without notifying the other parent, lie about who is or may be the actual parent, including lying by omission, lie about contraception, abort the fetus without notice, consent or challenge, abort without notification of her own marital partner, place children for adoption without notification of the other party, and in some cases, even over his claims of parentage, and can abandon a baby at the nearest hospital, fire station, etc., then I expect the same.

Unfortunately, feminists are all about not being held to any standard, only holding men to a standard of accountability.

Until I see feminsts hold themselves to the same as they demand from others, they’re not credible, and impossible to take seriously (aside from seriously avoiding them like rabid dogs, for pretty much the same reason).

Woman against feminism April 15, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Wayne, your post I totally agree with.

YoungFeminist July 31, 2011 at 10:50 pm

I agree with RT and I’d also like to highlight the widespread issue that has been ignored here: rape. Sure, a lot of women who are raped don’t get pregnant, but a lot do and they shouldn’t be forced to have that child when they had no say in the conception of it through a traumatic, violent and forced experience. Also, many women (and men) do abstain until they feel it’s the right time for them to begin having sex with the risk of pregnancy, (such as in a stable relationship) but as humans you cannot expect people not to have sex just because there is that risk – if you could there would be no need for contraceptives. I think both arguments are pretty ridiculous and the real statement should be “If you’re not comfortable with abortion or prepared to take precautions in order to ensure safe sex that doesn’t result in a child, then don’t have sex”

John (admin) August 1, 2011 at 12:41 am

I think you’ve well and truly gone off on a tangent by bringing rape into this discussion. Now that you have, can you tell us what percentage of abortions are of rape victims?

Woman against feminism April 15, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I am a woman, and at the age of 34 I can say your post is hogwash, honey, but since you claim to be young I’ll make allowances. Nobody here is talking about rape. Rapists should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Nobody here is saying rape victims should be “forced” to do anything.

The point of this article is mutual responsibility, not just a man’s responsibility regarding sex. Sex (except for rape) is a 50/50 shared responsibility.

John (admin) April 15, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Actually, male rape victims are “forced” to pay child support if the rape results in a child.
Even for minors. i.e. If an adult woman becomes pregnant after committing statutory rape of a boy (as has happened with female babysitters) then the boy’s family will be held legally liable for child support, until he turns 18 at which time the responsibility becomes his own. A monthly reminder that a male rape victim has no rights.

Woman against feminism April 16, 2012 at 1:19 am

I stand corrected. That is insane!! The perpetrator of statuatory rape should be forced to support any resulting child(ren), since they are the ones that committed a crime…

Louis&Yvette April 16, 2011 at 5:10 pm

DCM, don’t make these bad statements about women. If you want to criticize feminists, you have to be better than them.

Louis&Yvette April 16, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I agree most of the comments here. I have heard such statements made against both women and men. Most people understand that pregnancy requires two people.

It doesn’t really surprise me that some people have a double standard on this issue. Unfortunately, there will always be some people who think like this. But the government should be better than that. The government has its reason for this double standard, but it is not a good one.

- If a woman terminates her pregnancy, nothing happens to the state. The baby never grows up and contributes anything to the economy, but it balances out because he/she never costs anything in terms of health care or any other social program.
- If a man abandons his child, there is a single mother who is a burden on the state.

DCM January 31, 2011 at 5:22 am

Why do feminists push this responsibility on men?
The same reason they push all responsibilities on men: few women are capable of handling any responsbility, feminists least of all.
Like the typical twelve year old who wants her parents to take care of her while letting her do as she pleases, feminists and the majority of women expect men to indulge them in the same way.

Alexa June 5, 2011 at 4:41 am

I actually strongly disagree with this statement.
I would call myself a feminist, but only for the things that the first and second waves of feminism worked for- gender equality. The empowerment of women in society so that they were equal to that of men.
Now, I understand that a fair few of third wave feminists are being hateful towards men, and from my research, they are now reversing, or trying to reverse, the gender role. This is wrong. This is not what true feminism is about.
On your comment of “few women are capable of handling any responsibility, feminists least at all”. I would like to say that that is an uneducated assumption. For example, I am a female, and I would say I’m a feminist (after all I’m pro gender equality), yet I also work and go to university and I take the consequences for my actions if I do not fill any responsibilities. I also run my own business, so to say that I am incapable of handling “any responsibility” is far fetched.
As for your other comment “Like the typical twelve year old girl who wants her parents to take care of her while letting her do as she pleases, feminists and the majority of women expect men to indulge them in the same way”. I disagree with this too.
I know plenty of women who are able to do things on their own without needing to hold a males hand. I am one of those, some of my friends and my mother also. From this comment it sounds as if you yourself have had a bad experience with a female like this, but this does not, like with the above statement, give an accurate assumption on the female population. An example of the reverse role is that I know many males who have needed to have that ‘push’ from their female partners to get them to succeed, whether that’s at University, work , or at home. I am not saying that men need women to hold their hand in order to accomplish things, but I am saying that you’re over generalising and it’s not doing you justice with an argument.

johnboy January 20, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I have two daughters and I am truly for equal rights for both genders. I feel both of you are off the charts. Assuming responsibity is an individual chioce based on many factors one of which is not based on arrangement of X or Y chromosomes. We, as in both genders, need to get over this constant barrage of critizism of each gender. It only creates divisions. Women can blow away what society says about the way they should act or what career they should choose. I encourage my daughters to be anything they want to be. Like, engineering(poorly represented by women), IT, mechanics etc..I say to women take charge of your lives and be the best they can be..
Just do it.

Chris April 6, 2012 at 1:34 pm

He is right about feminists, and society does need to stop catering to women.

If a man abandons his child (as in isn’t ready emotionally or financially) he is disliked by society, labeled a bad father.

If a woman abandons a child through abortion (isn’t ready emotionally or financially) she receives support both financially and emotionally, and is not labeled as someone who abandoned her child. There is no reprecussion.

In the first circumstance the woman gets to choose when she is ready, even if the man is not. The man is liable for raising the child. She gets an opt out and the man doesn’t. You can claim until the cows come home this is a side effect that we can’t help, but women pushed it knowing the side effect. This is why the feminist movement is frowned apon: They do not realize true responsibility. If they did, they would allow men to opt out and truly take responsibility in the choice of having or not having a child inclusive of the man. They want the choice to be exclusive, only theirs. This is entirely avoiding reponsibility and pushing it to men. While the one poster was angry, and over the top he has reason to be.

How is it that a raped woman forced to take care of a child they didn’t want is ok, but a man who has an unintended child, who the woman decided to take care of, has to pay for it and or be labeled as a child abandoner if he isn’t ready? Sounds like someone has to deal with the consequences, and one wants to avoid them altogether.

Mac April 3, 2013 at 8:22 pm

It’s great and all you want to say you are more inline with the first and second wave of feminism, but that is not want feminism stands for today, so if your a feminist, you agree with the current incarnation of the movement. In my opinion, the Blank Panther Party in the 60′s and 70′s did more for human rights than Feminism has done in 60 years.

Your rights should not be based on your gender, race, religion, etc. If your human, and I think everyone here is that is reading this, then you get the same rights as everyone else unless you are convicted of a crime. Then they are taken away in regards to the punishment that is given. It should not matter if a man or a women broke the law, if they do the same crime, they do the same time.

So in regards to this article, as the old saying goes; “It takes two to tango”. I pay child support, and I spend time with my daughter. I want to be part of her life, that is my choice. I pay for all her medical, education, clothes and give her mom $800 a month. The monthly expense if about 1400, and I am not full of anger over it because I know she is taken care of.

But if the situation was me and a women had mutual sex (Not married) and it was not intended to produce offspring, then if I do not want to have the child, I should not be obligated to support him or her. And if that was my choice then I would have no rights to see of be apart of that child’s life. If women were faced with the possibility of never having a man give her child support for a unwanted pregnancy, then I think we would have less abortions because women would be more attentive to their actions. Since men will never have the choice to have the child when the women does not, then I think it is a fair solution.

Rozax December 7, 2010 at 7:00 pm

I must agree with RT; I’ve heard this large, sweeping statement applied to everyone. Nobody wins in this situation, though. Before the baby is born, everyone expects the father to be a dead-beat, and the mother is seen as a slut. The women are already expected to take care of the children, so their responsibility is clear-cut (adoption is catching on, though), but men can (and do) disappear, so that stigma is placed on all men. None of the stigma is at all fair.

Personally, I’d like everyone to think about pregnancy extensively before having sex. It’s a lot more than just simple expansion.

John October 5, 2010 at 5:44 am

It may very well be that we have different social standards in our respective parts of the world.

I can tell you that when a government minister commented that there really shouldn’t be any unexpected pregnancies given the broad range of contraceptive options, he was immediately attacked in the media as being grossly insensitive toward women. It was as if “how dare you!”, yet when a man becomes a father unintentionally it’s as if it’s all his fault and he’d better not be a dead-beat dad – unless the mother decides to abort, of course.

RT October 1, 2010 at 4:28 am

Uh, not sure where you grew up but I certainly heard a lot of ‘if your not prepared to be a mother, don’t have sex’. I can defo see your perspective on many of the articles I’ve read here… but this one could be a selective perception of yours.

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